By Kyle Osborne
Every good fairy tale starts with “Once Upon A Time,” and so does the new movie “Maleficent,” Disney’s re-imagining (or some word like that) of the Sleeping Beauty tale, as seen through the eyes of who we always thought was the kinda hot witch who casts the snoozing spell on the sixteen year old princess.
Who knew that this story was really a case of an ex-girlfriend getting revenge on her d-bag boyfriend?
Yup, we learn that Maleficent was a wide-eyed gal who lived in the kingdom of the moors, a magical place where colorful creatures and flocks of faeries flutter about—the small kind with helium voices—in the Tinkerbell mode.
Shhh--Kyle is sleeping.
Maleficent, however, is more like a human with a broad wingspan like a bird’s—heavy, feathery wings that let her soar among the clouds.
In the next kingdom over, the hawk-ish king wants war, and loses badly to Maleficent and her crew of creatures. Vowing revenge, he sends a lackey to go dispense with her—it just so happens that said lackey is Mal’s childhood sweetheart, Stefan. With visions of succeeding the ailing King in his eyes, he seduces his old girlfriend, gets her to drink a potion that knocks her out and, losing his nerve to kill her, he cuts off her wings instead.
Big mistake. Huge!
The sleazy Stefan gains the crown and a wife. Their daughter, Aurora, will start sawing logs on her sixteenth birthday—the only way she can be revived is with “true love’s kiss.” But since true love is something Mal doesn’t believe in, it doesn’t seem probable.
Angelina Jolia cuts an imposing figure onscreen. Her make-up is a mash-up of Norma Desmond and Count Dracula. Her succulent lips are pomegranate red and every facial expression is a classic “Blue Steel” pose, as if she’s strutting down a catwalk while gazing into infinity.
Jolie isn’t given much to say, nor many emotions to, uh, emote, heh. She’s so static that when a single moment of unexpected warmth comes from her character, it is both jarring and welcome.
Although this is a Disney film, my guess is that most young girls will have much more fun playing dress-up in Maleficent costumes (though you can only buy the Aurora Costume at the moment from the Disney store—70 bucks!) than they will watching the film. For kids under 8 or 10 it’s either going to be too scary or too boring.
I personally was disturbed by her losing her wings, though they don’t actually show it. Still, it’s suggested in a very cruel way.
I did like Maleficent’s running buddy—a crow who she changes back and forth into a nice guy named Diaval (Sam Riley) and Aurora is charmingly played by Elle Fanning. Also, the visuals are a sweet shop for the eyes.
But the narrative made me want to take a nap—the kind from which no kiss would revive me.
Maleficent is rated “PG” and gets 2 out of 4 Stars.