By Kyle Osborne
Would I lose credibility with you if I mentioned that ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ is nowhere near as awful as I thought it’d be? What’s that? I don’t have any credibility to lose? Perfect, because some people are really gonna like it, and I don’t think those people are part of the target audience.
An animated opening sequence looks great and gets things off to a good start, as we’re told how these four “heroes on the half shell” came to reside in the sewers of New York, where they’re mentored by a giant rat—their Sensei, splinter.
Obviously, the original comic and the ensuing franchise never took itself too seriously, I mean they’re turtles, who are mutants, and, well, you know. And while this reboot origin story does have its share of snarky quips, it’s actually too dark, I think, for younger children.
Maybe it’s because motion capture animation is super expensive, is why the movie takes too long to even get to the Ninjas—and there’s way too much exposition—and if you’re 5 years old, do you know what “mutagen” means?
What I’m saying is, many kids will be alternately bored and scared. So who is this movie for?
I think the fact that Michael Bay, the loathed director of the ‘Transformers’ films, is one of the producers gives us a clue. And having Megan Fox as the snoopy reporter whose connection to the Turtles goes way deeper than we knew is another clue. Looks like males 12 to 24 might be right in the bullseye of the target. And guys between, say, 40 and 60, too.
What I liked about the film comes down to three simple elements:
The downhill chase in the snow. This is where 3-D shines, and it’s a lot of fun watching these guys slip and slide down the mountain.
The final rooftop sequence, where the Turtles and Shredder, the villain who looks like Edward Scissorhands on stainless steel steroids, duke it out on a New York skyscraper. Again, it’s strictly an action thing. There’s a right way to stage a scene like this one and this is how you do it.
I came to care about these digital characters. I really did like them and I felt like, “Hey, the Turtles and I could totally be bros, dude.”
So, I’m giving 2 ½ out of 4 Stars to “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” which is rated PG-13.
Anyway, it’s not the worst film opening this weekend—this is, by far: Movie Review: ‘Into The Storm’