I don’t drink, but as I struggled through the purported horror flick, The Nest, I kept thinking that it might be the perfect movie to watch drunk. 

With even the slightest buzz, one would, presumably, view the pic as a comedy, or at the very least high camp. However, watching with the expectation of something that might be thrilling or scary or interesting? 

The story opens with a little girl and her parents at a creepy yard sale. The girl buys a stuffed teddy bear with big ass eyes and the weird old man who is hosting the sale gives it to her for free.

Well, no surprise, the creepy teddy bear is going to cause trouble- releasing some kind of parasitic something or other that takes over people’s bodies and beings. And it makes little clicking sounds that kinda remind me of sounds from Mimic, but that was from a long time ago, and maybe I’m misremembering, Anyway, you’ve heard the clicking sounds before.

Mom and Dad are worried about their little girl, and to make their marriage even more fraught, it seems Mom has recently come back from a possible drug rehab stint. So, if, let’s say, Mom starts to notice weird things later on, will we wonder if it’s real or if she’s seeing things again – maybe hitting the pills? You’re way ahead of things.

And so you wait for what you know will be the continuing theme of the film, but with the forward motion of the narrative so stubbornly stagnant, all you can do is count how many times the script calls for the parents to say their kids name, Meg. “Meg, do this.” Meg, what are you doing?” “Meg, please stop that!”

Sarah Navratil and Kevin Patrick Murphy give performances too flat to be called “bad.” One gives leeway to low budget films, but…

Speaking of drinking. If you take a shot every time someone says, “Meg”, you will lose consciousness before the 45 minute mark. As for us non-drinkers? We’ll wake you when it’s finally over.

The Nest is available starting today, July 20th on Digital, On-Demand and DVD from 4Digital Media. 1 out of 4 Stars